Sunday, January 13, 2008
Let us look supposedly at these 7 given virtues, arranged in the order of importance to which according to survey, women assigned them.
There can be little doubt that this is the quality women most appreciate in the men they love. And it is equally certain that it is a quality that is short among Western men - perhaps in men the world over. The trouble is that our society trains its men to keep their emotions under strict control. Seemingly this doesn't go well with the kind of outflowing warmth that our women need. Yet they want their men to be strong too. Indeed their idol seems to be the man who is vigorous and self-assertive as he faces the world in general, but becomes gentle and sweet in his relationship with the woman he loves. Are we women asking too much?
Women often complain that their men, once courtship is over, lapse into boorish indifference. An example is a woman who said "If only he would show me as much consideration as he does complete strangers!" "When we are alone, he forgets all his manners." Bad manners in a husband's behavior toward his wife are inexcusable. But again, there is an interesting cultural conflict. In our time, women have asserted their independence and denounced the traditional concept of the female as the weaker sex. Is it possible that, in sighing for the gallantry of an earlier age, women want the advantages of both their new and their former roles?
The wives complain that their men are poor companions. They come home from work and lapse into bored silence. Once the meal is over, they seek the company of other men or sit with their eyes glued to TV. The most bitter complaints are from wives who say that their husbands are scintillating when they are with other people but utterly dull at home. The unhappy women do not ask why they lack the capacity to draw out the social graces that their husbands undeniably possess.
How delighted a woman is when her husband anticipates her every need, remembers anniversaries of important occasions and gives her exactly what she wants for her birthday! What wives are seekiing here is recognition of their womanhood, and of the difference this implies. The woman knows that her basic role in her relationship with her husband, from the most superficial to the deepest levels is that of response. Unless he can act in ways that bring out her responsiveness, she cannot function as a woman. Therefore, she wants to be assured that he recognizes her femininity and understands the peculiarities of temperament and mood that go with.
Many wives complain that their husbands keep them short of money while making liberal provision for their own indulgences. Or that they grumble about the quality of the food or the furnishing of the home, without seeming to realize that the wife is doing all that can be done with the allowance she is given. What lies behind this complaint, I think is the feeling many wives have that their husbands unconsciously treat them as inferior beings or that they exercise their role as head of the house unjustly.
One wife puts it like this: When my husband and I are out with others, he is continually making fun of me, ridiculing me, humiliating me. That doesn't make a good marriage. Another complains that her husband criticizes her in front of the children. Women have traditionally been in a vulnerable position in relation to their men, who have usually been physically stronger, economically and socially more powerful. Thus, it has always been important for a wife to feel that her husband won't let her down.
The wife who catches her husband concealing the truth from her can no longer feel secure. If she knows he lies, she is soon wondering what he is doing, where he is going and whom he is seeing when he is out of her sight. Her real fear is that there may be some other woman in his life. A close relationship like marriage becomes unworkable if it is not based on truthful and straightforward communication between husband and wife.
These, in the opinion of women, according to survey are the virtues they would look for in a husband. It is interesting that the qualities they listed are of two different types. the first four are concerned with the man's attitude and approach to his wife. The last three are concerned with the man himslf - his integrity, his character. The two kinds of qualities are, however closely linked. It is inconceivable that a man who is by nature unjust, unreliable and dishonest could in any real and sustained way be tender, courteous, companionable and understanding toward his wife. If the women had approached the problem objectively, they might have realized this and put character first. But they clearly responded emotionally, thought first of their own needs and then realized that only a certain kind of man would be able to meet those needs. These women are really saying that the perfect husband is a good man who knows how to express love. If all men were like this, most marital problems would cease to exist. For that matter, if all men and women were like this, most human problems would cease to exist!
Do you agree with these surveys?